In Honor of Parker V. Sherry

These are my thoughts and an account of some of my experiences with Parker Sherry. It contains some of my own beliefs as they exist currently, as I’m sure they will evolve. Regardless of how correct or complete you feel they are, I ask that you allow them to be and to take whatever lessons or morsels that are shown to you in what I’ve written here. If you would like to respond to this in any way, I would love to hear it and potentially dialogue with you if we want to. To all those who loved and were loved by Parker, I cry with you and offer my deepest and most sincere condolences.

Maestro Parker Vincent Wagner Sherry,

Parker and I met in September of 2019 at SpiritQuest Sanctuary in Peru when I went there for an Ayahuasca retreat. He was quiet, unassuming, but obviously experienced and knowledgeable having worked as a facilitator with Master Huachumero Don Howard Lawler and Master Ayahuascero Don Rober for years. When I initially reached out to SpiritQuest with some questions, Parker was the one who answered. I won’t go into more detail here since I’ve written an account of those events already(My First Ayahuasca Experience). Parker was a bit of a mystery to me at that point, and as with many great teachers there was always a bit of mystery to him for me, but as I experienced more of him, I experienced his love, compassion, integrity and will to serve.

What I will say about that time is that after a couple ayahuasca ceremonies that didn’t have much of an impact on me, I asked for his advice, wondering if I should fast, to which he replied (paraphrasing) “If there was a way that I thought would increase the likelihood of a transformative experience, I would tell you. Everyone has a different relationship with Aya, all I can tell you is listen to yourself, to your intuition. If you feel you should fast, then fast, if you don’t, then don’t.” Here’s what I have learned from that advice. 

If you want to be the fullest expression of who you are, you don’t get there by taking other people’s advice. You must refine your own communication with your intuition and make your own decisions. Otherwise you are just a conglomeration of those you take advice from. A king does not let others make his decisions for him. He hears advice and comes to his own conclusion. But if you are given too much advice, and are not given or do not create the opportunity to make your own decisions and instead learn to always defer to someone else, you won’t know your intuition, your innate wisdom. You won’t know what wisdom comes from the depths of you. Kings are appointed and put at the highest point of the hierarchy of a group, ideally, because the people trust their decision making. Even if it means going against the advice of his advisors, he is given the last word. His task is not to sift through who gives the best advice and choose one, but to absorb the advice and do what he thinks is best. Even if that decision results in “failure” it is more valuable in the long run, in terms of your own growth and maturation than being “successful” by following someone else’s advice.

Parker and I at the end of my Ayahuasca retreat in Peru in 2019, where we first met.

Not long ago, I was trying to find some life answers and I asked Parker “when have you seen me at my best?”. This was his response.

“You’re at your best when you’re around people who can see you at the level you actually are. Others can only see us at the depths to which they see themselves. But when you’re with the right group of people (SpiritQuest, Bridge to One), they really see you, and you become who you really are.

You bring a lot of love and light into the room. I can see that clear as day. So, most respectfully, I think one of the next steps is for you to act like that all the time. Raise the vibration regardless of where you are. You hold enough light to do that, Trevor. Just know that it’s within you, and always a part of you, and embody that more and more. Just my $0.02. I love you brother. Wishing you well, always! Para el bien de todos! 💚💫🙏”

He saw me and called me forward, like a King does. This is the task that I’ve been working on. I am learning how to bring my love and light, and raise the vibration regardless of who I’m with or where I am. It’s new territory for me and also feels precisely in alignment with where I am and where I need and want to go.

Parker also helped guide and prepare me for a month leading up to my first Peyote ceremony at Peyote Way Church in Arizona in 2021. We spoke for an hour at least once a week. He was such an encouraging and championing force for me in that time. And he was there to greet me when my ceremony was finished.

I was involved in the community around the Huachuma church “Bridge To One” that Parker and Zachary Adama started in Lockhart. I would go and help prepare the sacrament from time to time, which was always a joy, meeting and hanging out with brothers and sisters also wanting to contribute to people and a purpose that we all believed in. I took part in two one day huachuma ceremonies and did a week long full huachuma mesada with them as well. Almost all of my medicine journeys since Aya in 2019 have had Parker’s involvement. As facilitator, guide, mentor, shaman, brother or friend. I wish he could have seen me flourishing. I wish he could see the man I am going to become. And yes, I know he saw more in me than I have seen in myself while he was still here, and I appreciate that. But I would have liked to prove him right and see his reaction, to see and experience his pride when I come to feel deserving of it too.

It’s still hard for me to accept that he is gone physically. Parker was my first friend here in Austin. When I moved here, he was the first person I went on a hike with, he showed me some beautiful parts of the city and surrounding areas. He took me to the Hill of Life where we swam in the river several times.

I am learning what it means and how to live with the fact that life can be snuffed out at any moment. It’s terrifying. It’s terrifying because I don’t want to be alone, a primal fear. But at the same time, there’s nothing that can be done to prevent someone from dying on their day. So let go, relax. There is nothing to be done but to keep living, keep taking steps, as long as I have breath, as long as I can walk. Until it is my day to die, when I no longer have breath and I can no longer take steps. Then I am done and life continues on in others. There is nothing else to do.

Like putting on a live concert, the moment is now, for the next (period of time) I will do my best, and after (period of time) has passed, it’s over. No matter what happened during that time, whether good things or bad, the outcome is the same. Finished. I live on this planet now, I will do my best in view of God or Gods for my time. And once that time is up, then I am done and it is finished.

I fear those that I love dying. I wrestle with this fear. I have experienced a dear loved one dying unexpectedly twice in the past 2 years. Both of them were significant and loved mentors of mine, who believed in me regardless of what my belief in myself looked like at the time. I loved them, they loved me, and they died much sooner in their lives than anyone could expect. I accept this reality though part of me does not want to, and that part weeps because it knows there is not another option. It has to let go, and in the letting go are the tears of how much I loved them. Of how much I loved Parker and felt loved by him. I weep because of what he meant to me. I am grateful for the tears, for if they did not exist, then my love for him would not exist. I will bear the necessary sorrow to have loved Parker and experienced his love for me, I will not shy away from it because he means more than that to me. Or perhaps he means exactly that much to me.

One of the interesting things about death is that once we die, we can no longer communicate any of the thoughts that we had(perhaps there are ways of communicating with the dead, but in my experience even in those circumstances it’s not the same). There are countless thoughts that Parker had that no one but Parker will ever know. There are countless thoughts that I will have had and not communicated when I’m dead too. Thoughts that were just for me. No one else has access to our thoughts, if we do not share them, or make them known, then they die with us. If you have thoughts that matter to you, that really matter, on deep love, deep life, deep death, deep purpose, share them with us. Not a regurgitation of what someone else has said, because then you are simply speaking for someone else and not giving us YOUR medicine, the medicine that truly only you can give. What are the thoughts you have that would die with you? That no one else has access to? Will you share them with us? Will you give us, the human race and beyond, that gift? Because it is a gift, a gift because the thoughts are yours and nobody else’s, nobody can take your thoughts from you, you have to choose to give them. There’s nothing else your thoughts can be other than a gift, regardless of the events that transpire after you’ve given it. Once you’re gone, so is the access the rest of us have to your thoughts. Your thoughts are precious because they are limited. Your life is precious because it is limited. We don’t get to experience any more of Parker’s thoughts. His opportunity to share his thoughts has ceased. You still have opportunity, use it.

I think one of the most significant and unique gifts we can give is our thoughts. I think one of my main missions here is to know the thoughts that are only mine to share and to share them with others. I think that is our most unique and therefore one of the most innately valuable services that we can offer. It’s one of the only things only we have control over. It’s motivating to me, because I could die at any moment, but there are things that I want to share, that I want to be known about me.

I was in Seattle in the middle of a tour when I got the call from my friend Ty that Parker was in the hospital and probably not going to be with us much longer. I inquired with another friend who was there with Parker on what the timeline was looking like to see if there was a chance I could see him. They said there was still the possibility, but I should get there asap. My band and tour crew, plus a guitar tech from one of the other bands generously agreed to cover my work for me for a couple days so that I could go see him. I booked a red eye flight for directly after the show that night. I arrived at the hospital near Austin at about 11am the next day. There were maybe 40-50 people there, with more going in and out. The doctors said that Parker would never be able to feel below his neck, nor be able to breathe on his own. Set all around the waiting room were pictures of Parker, flowers, crystals, mementos and sacred objects that people had brought. Everyone was supporting one another in some way, crying, hugging, holding, consoling. It was a somber and beautiful scene, full of love. A bit later we sang songs, prayed and participated in ceremony, honoring his life, love, friendship and service.

At about 3pm I was blessed to be able to see and speak with Parker before he chose to leave his body behind. Here is what I said to him.

“Parker, my brother. When you speak, wisdom is shared, when you don’t speak, wisdom is revealed. The first and second advice you ever gave me was to listen to my heart. My world would not and will not be the same without you.

Your heart, I’ve never connected with another heart in the same way. Your particular mix of Love, Light and Warrior, and how clearly my heart feels them is a completely unique experience for me. You have always been so generous to me. With your time, your advice, your presence, your offerings and shamanic service. I’m so damn grateful for every time you shook a maraca over me, and gave me an assured look.

King of kings. I consider myself a King, and I consider you my King, which makes you a King of kings.

I don’t know how to communicate how much you mean to me. There’s so much I want to say. I’ve learned so much from you and through you. You’ve been a catalyst for so much. There’s so much I still want to learn from you. So many journeys I want to go on with you. I cherish every time that I’ve had the opportunity to look into your eyes and especially every time that we got fired up beyond what we could handle feeling each other’s Warrior Hearts. I know what a Warrior’s heart is and feels like because of you. I know I have a Warrior’s heart because of you.

I have two things I would like to ask of you. First, I’d like to have your blessing(he gave it with tears in his eyes). Second, I’d love it if you could visit me from time to time(he promised he would). I’ll look for you every time I’m in the medicine.”

Knowing that he could not feel anything below his neck, with tears streaming down my face, I asked if I could kiss him on his forehead. He nodded. So I kissed my brother, mentor and friend on the forehead for the last time and told him that I loved him. I walked out of the hospital room and wept.

A short time later he was taken into the operating room, where they removed the machines keeping him alive and allowed him to pass.

My heart is so heavy as I write this. My sorrow is full. Tears are streaming down my face and falling on my journal where I wrote down the things I said to him. I weep for myself, I weep that my brother and friend is no longer here for us to journey alongside one another, to hope and not know how things will go, together. That being said, I am still here. I can still breathe. I can still walk. I can still think. So I do. I take my next breath, I take my next step, I think my next thought. My sorrow is full because my love is full. I will not take back my love, therefore my sorrow remains. I hold it gratefully and dare I say I even rejoice in it. Not that I seek out sorrow, or that I will stagnate in it, no. I carry it with me like I carry all of my experiences with me. I know I will continue to experience sorrow and joy as long as I live, because I choose to love deeply.

Parker, I love you. In whatever capacity your consciousness still exists, I wish you well on your journey. Thank you for being a friend to me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for calling me brother. Thank you for providing the opportunity and facilitating my own communion with God through shamanic service and ceremony. Thank you for the hikes, meals and conversations. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for every assured look you gave me. I’ll miss and never forget that look as long as I live and I will be passing it on to other pilgrims and warriors for the rest of my life. King, you ushered me into my own kinghood. You lived “Para el bien de todos”. “Warriors hearts beat as one” as you liked to say quoting Don Howard, which means your heart still beats within mine, as well as many many others. You’ve completed your service, you fought well brother. Rest easy now, we’ll take it from here, Para el bien de todos.

Myself, Parker and our friend and brother Jason Childs